Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
