Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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