Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
