The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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