Who did Billy Mays play for?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
