I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
