somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
