I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
