she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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