Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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