lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
