Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
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I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
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Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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