I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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