You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
