Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
