nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
