She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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