yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
