he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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