There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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