i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
