yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
