would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
