we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
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There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
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The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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