She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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