roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
