so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
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Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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