Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
