i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
