if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
