How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
