Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
