if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
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i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
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And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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