is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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