Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
