i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
