I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
