My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
