these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
