Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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