your room smells of hookers.
And success
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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