I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
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it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
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I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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