i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
