I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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