so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
