dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
