I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Someone shattered a urinal.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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