and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
