I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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