...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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