I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I smell stomach acid.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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