Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
