dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
