i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
