Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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