atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
