I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
