sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
