so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
