i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
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We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
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College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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