So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
