Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
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So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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